As You Journey Further and deeper into Mid-Life Renewal...


Consider the opinions or the judgements you make about yourself either instigating a favourable or a detrimental impact on your mid-life journey bringing renewal into your life.

These opinions or judgements are the components of your high or low self-esteem. They reveal your true feelings about yourself - as a person and in regards to your gifts, your abilities and performances.

Self-esteem is the perceptive value – whether positive or negative - you attribute to yourself or to your life in general. What you see, hear and feel about yourself reveals your positive or negative mental image of self.

We are familiar with the low-self related attitudes reflecting inferiority: emphasising the weak points, focusing on failures and conceiving ourself as weak. Gary Chapman describes the following:

"People percieve themselves as inferior and also believe with persuasion taht others see them the same."

Jean Mombourquette, psychologist and author of the book: De l’estime de soi à l’estime du Soi–de la psychologie à la spiritualité, a title I would translate to be

Journeying from your Self-esteem to the Higher Self-esteem –from Psychology to Spirituality – describes your effort of increasing self-esteem as your desire or your motivation to increase your level of personal freedom and autonomy.

In simple words, increasing you self-esteem means that you must learn to visualise yourself positively, you must learn to replace all negative self-perceptions:

  • learn to great yourself unconditionally – with respect, with love and with self-encouragement.

  • Pay attention to all the compulsive negative attitude towards yourself – negative self-judgements, aggressive inner language, agressive self-destructive behaviour.

  • Change this behaviour into attitudes of kindness and understanding.

  • Be patient and merciful towards yourself in regards to your weaknesses.

    There is no such thing as perfection. Why are-you being so hard on yourself? Would you like someone else to treat you this way? Practice the Golden Rule: ‘’Love one another as yourself.‘’

    As you learn to love and appreciate yourself as a unique and gifted individual, your vision of the world will change. Other people’s gifts, traits and performances will no longer be a menace to you because you've learned to recognize and to appreciate your own gifts.

    Self esteem is also expressed in superiority feelings. As strange as this may sound, people with over inflated ego or super ego - those people who believes that the world owes them everything, that they can do no wrong, that takes advantage of people and for which the relationship with others can be described to be domineering and strong willed - are also people victimized by low-self esteem.

    These people often behave this way, unwaringly, because they see the reflections of their weaknesses and non-acknowledged failures -like a mirror reflection - in others. They strongly need to rationalise or self justify any wrong doing or errors.

    These people are hurt inside as they dislike themselves. Because, people avoid them, they are hurt in their relationships.

    May this positive description of yourself - presented by Dr.Phil McGraw in his book Real Life – Preparing for the 7 Most Challenging Days of Your Life be an inspiration:

    "…the core of your being is the composite of your unique gifts, skills, interests, talents, insights, wisdom, strengths and values of which need expression."

    An experience is worth a thousand words

    I could continue for a while analysing and describing self-esteem, but nothing speaks louder than an experience of inner-interiorisation.

    Spend some time alone with yourself. Once you’ve read this entire encounter, mute the computer and all sources of noise. Create a peaceful atmosphere around you…make it attractive…candles, flowers, a few pictures of people you feel very close, and your daily journal. If you don’t have one, now is the time to begin!

    Let us now journey in the core of our being!

    We are constantly bombarded by sound and distractions… In this world full of noise-pollution, we must learn to appreciate the peaceful atmosphere silence can instigate. This is important, and will even be more so as we continue our journey together… The answers to mid-life concerns cannot be found anywhere else but inside you. You need to pay attention to the calls and the inspirations raising within you… You cannot do that if you are surrounded with noise…if you’re constantly distracted!

    Pay attention and here the voice of silence… feel silence hugging your nervous system… feel it instigating peace into your mind… into your heart...It might take a little while for you to adjust, but if you practice this, I believe you will enjoy it…

    You’re really not able to adjust to complete silence at this present time? o.k., I will be indulgent and accept a very soft and peaceful music as background… but... no Hard Rock or Rap please! I accept soft music ...but no lyrics… the words could be a distraction in your journey inwards.

    Woman… is she ever fussy! Oh yes I am… and for your own best interest! READY?

    Let's now begin our journey inward…

    Close your eyes… breathe deeply – inhaling, hold your breath in for a few seconds… exhale. Do this a few times to help calm your nervous system. I even encourage you to do this every day…a few times a day…during periods of stress.

    As you practice this, eyes closed, pay attention to your feelings… don’t analyse them… simply visualise them coming… Picture yourself to be a little row-boat navigating on a river…totally surrended... or like a kite supported by the wind…

    Images and souvenirs will start popping in your mind or in your imagination… you be the observer as they visit you, some of those images might strike you more than others…let them speak to you… some images might be confusing. Pay attention to the feelings they instigate within you…Continue like this for a while… than when you’re ready…

    Begin to write about your experience in your journal; don’t worry if what you saw or felt makes sense to you or not...It's your confidential journal and nobody else will read-it except you. Describe those images, those feelings… write about your thoughts and ideas… For example, you might feel the need to write about relationship-incidents with your parents, with your teachers, with your friends or with peers… whatever comes to your mind… Maybe you feel like writing about the most predominant choices you had to make in life, incidents most pleasing or displeasing... But most importantly, pay special attention to what you feel, to what you see or hear inside you…. As you continue to do time you will be surprised to discover enlightening revelations that can inspire you and bring you joy.

    This is very therapeutic; it could be an excellent opportunity to vent – particularly if you don’t have anybody to really open up about your issues.

    As you continue you might feel the need to express strong feelings. Don’t repress them… whether you feel anger, sadness…let it rise… don’t worry if the source of all these mixed feelings are unknown to you at the present time… they have been repressed inside you for so long… If you need a thick pillow to pound and release whatever feeling of aggression you might sense, by all means get yourself one!

    Before you end your inner-journey, take a few minutes to great yourself with tenderness and understanding. Praise yourself for the good cooperation...Picture yourself as a tender mother or father comforting an insecure child requesting your tender loving care. Promise him that protection... End your inner-journey experiences like this, and before long, you will learn to appreciate yourself with kindness.

    A day will come when we will be able to mutually interact through forums, using emails and chat lines... I am looking forward to build this coaching website panel... but Paris hasn't been build in one day...and I believe that offering quality content information is also very important. For this reason I strongly recommend the daily journal. It gives you a preliminary therapeutic tool.

    Creed of Self Esteem

    As I looked in the mirror

    feeling puzzled and confused,

    I questioned my reflection

    Assiduously looking back at me:

    You've known me for a while now

    We meet occasionally,

    Tell me who I am now,

    reflection so called me?

    A unique priceless person,

    A perfect gift of love;

    Valuable is your life and

    Virtuous is your heart.

    Your traits and your character

    Fits your personality;

    Wonderful heart and smile,

    No better, it could be.

    Your gifts and your weaknesses

    Are your measured opportunities

    No lo estimating,

    others to be better than thy.

    Greet yourself with kindness

    As you would do, a friend -

    The best one you could ever have

    That won't treat you in vain.

    Be compassionate, understanding

    when concerned and feeling in fear;

    Pay attention to your dreams and

    With love, practice all your deeds.

    Keep this attitude of peace,

    Of self-confidence and trust;

    Practice self-atonement

    When feeling in the dust.

    Believe in your potential

    To learn and to create

    A peaceful world around you

    For all - for young and old.

    Trust in the All-Mighty

    For guidance, inspiration.

    Trust in His assistance,

    Until you'll meet above.

    Your friend always,


    The Sources:

    De l’estime de soi à l’estime de Soi – De la psychologie à la spiritualité by Jean Mombourquette, Ph.D, Éditions Novalis/Bayard, 4475 rue Frontenac, Montréal,QC H2H 2S2 Copyright 2002

    Real Life – Preparing for the 7 Most Challenging Days of Your Life, by Dr. Phil McGraw, Simon & Shuster, Inc. 1230 Avenue of the Americas N.Y, NY 10020 Copyright 2008

    Hope for the Separated - Wounded Marriages can be Healed, by Gary Chapman, Moody Press, Chigaco Copyright 1996

    The Creed of Self-Esteem - by Gisèle Demerscopyright 2009

    Parent-Child Interactions and Self-Esteem

    Other Related Websites:

    Healthy Self Esteem